Do I Have to Reconcile with Someone When I Forgive Them?

"Accepting one another and forgiving one another if anyone has a complaint against another. Just as the Lord has forgiven you, so you must also forgive."

-Colossians 3:13

When God forgives a sinner like us, God makes a commitment to pardon graciously those who repent and believe so that they are reconciled to Him, although this commitment does not eliminate all consequences. His forgiveness is gracious and freely given. It is not free regarding the cost to God; God sent his one and only Son to pay the price for forgiveness.

While God’s forgiveness is given only to those who repent, God’s forgiveness lays the groundwork for and begins the process of reconciliation. When God forgives us, our relationship with Him is restored. One cannot receive forgiveness from God without being reconciled to God.

In a similar way, to guard the unity of the church, believers in the local body must continually be confronting and confessing sin.  Some passages in the Bible seem to indicate that you can just simply forgive someone without ever speaking to them about the matter (Mark 11:25); however, some passages seem to suggest that there can only be forgiveness when the offender asks to be forgiven (Luke 17:3-4).

To make sense of this tension, I would argue there is a difference between the attitude of forgiveness and the transaction of forgiveness.  Just like in the gospel, we must be ready to extend forgiveness at any time! Perhaps the hardest work of the two is preparing our hearts to forgive.  Christians must draw on the forgiveness given by Christ to forgive others.  A heart that has an attitude of forgiveness will do everything it can to help the offender to repent, and a forgiving heart will always be ready and quick to reconcile (Psalm 86:5). Conflict is not an issue of "speaking your mind" it's an opportunity of repairing the fractured relationship and growing closer to another.  The transaction of forgiveness takes place following the exposure of the sin.  After the one whom we have confronted has repented, we must forgive them and remember the promises of forgiveness we are making:

a.  I will not bring this matter up to you (the offender) again in a hurtful way in the future

b.  I will not bring this matter up to others

c.  I will not choose to dwell on it myself (to rehearse it and nurse it)

d. I will seek to be fully reconciled with the estranged party.

Biblically, forgiveness is much more than a feeling it is a commitment to pardon the offender. Forgiveness requires a heart focused on loving God and God’s glory, motivated by love for neighbor, and the courage to have tough conversations. Forgiveness also gives us joy. It takes two people to create offense, and it takes two people to have forgiveness.

Should Christians Marry Unbelievers?

“Do not be unequally yoked with unbelievers. For what partnership has righteousness with lawlessness? Or what fellowship has light with darkness?” -2 Corinthians 6:14

The decision to follow Jesus Christ as Lord remains the most important decision of a person’s life. The second most important decision remains a believer’s choice for a spouse. A spouse will either aid your spiritual growth or become a detriment to it. In the above passage, Paul instructs believers to be careful who they are “yoked” within this life.  The challenges brought about by marriage remain difficult even for two dedicated believers, much less one as an unbeliever. Here are the most likely three possible outcomes if a believer marries an unbeliever:

1.      The most common outcome will be for the Christian to push Christ to the margins of his or her life. This may not involve renouncing our faith but in matters of practicing our faith. Examples of practicing our faith include: our devotional life, hospitality to believers (Sunday School events and small group meetings), missionary support, tithing, raising children in the faith, fellowship with other believers, church attendance- that thing will have to be minimized or avoided in order to preserve peace in the home.

2.      Alternatively, if the believer in the marriage holds on to a healthy Christian life and practice, the non-believing partner will have to be marginalized. If the unbelieving partner can’t understand the point of the Bible study, prayer, missions, hospitality, or church attendance, then he or she can’t or won’t participate alongside the believing spouse in those activities. The profound unity and oneness of a marriage cannot flourish when one partner cannot fully participate in the other person’s most significant commitments.

3.      Either the marriage experiences stress and break up; or it experiences stress and stays together, achieving some truce that involves one spouse or the other yielding in some areas, but which leaves both parties feeling lonely and unhappy.

Does this sound like the kind of marriage that you want? One that strangles your growth in Christ or chokes your growth as a couple, or both? Think back to 2 Corinthians 6:14 about being “unequally yoked.” Most of us no longer live in an agrarian culture, but try to visualize what would happen if a farmer yoked together an ox with a donkey. The heavy wooden yoke, designed to harness the strength of the team, would be askew, as the animals are of different heights, weights, walk at different speeds and with different styles. The yoke would rub and chafe both animals since the load would be distributed unequally. 

An unequal marriage is not just unwise and outside God's will for the Christian, it is also unfair to the non-Christian, and will end up being a trial for them both. Marriage carries enough challenges without extremely different exceptions for the marriage from each person involved.

Should Christians Drink Alcoholic Beverages?

"and said to him, “Everyone serves the good wine first, and when people have drunk freely, then the poor wine. But you have kept the good wine until now.”" -John 2:10

The best book on these issues is God Gave Wine by Kenneth Gentry Jr.; Gentry describes three positions on alcohol prevalent among Bible-believing Christians. His work is helpful because while he argues for the biblical freedom of God’s people to consume alcohol in moderation, he does not drink alcohol, and therefore he is arguing from pure motives. We should only be concerned with the truth, not traditions, family teaching, nor personal experiences. Here are the positions:

1.    PROHIBITIONISTS: they teach that all drinking is a sin and that alcohol itself is evil. This teaching has roots in American feminism, more than Biblical Christianity. This position is untenable because the Bible teaches that God makes “wine that gladdens the heart” (Ps. 104:14-15). Also, Jesus’ first miracle involved creating over one hundred gallons of wine at a wedding party. It appears that Jesus ate enough food and drank enough alcohol to be falsely accused of gluttony and drunkenness (see John 2:1-11; Matthew 11:19). So if alcohol is inherently evil, then God is evil because he makes it, and Jesus is sinful because he drank it. At the risk of pointing out the obvious, are we trying to be holier than Jesus by not drinking?

2.    ABSTETIONISTS: teach that drinking is not sinful but that all Christians should avoid drinking out of love for others and a desire not to cause anyone to stumble. No doubt Christians should avoid drinking in the presence of others who are unable to practice moderation and self-control (see Romans 14:21; 1 Corinthians 10:31-32). The Bible teaches that God gave wine to his people despite the abuse of it in use to worship the pagan god Baal (see Hosea 2:8). Jesus drank alcohol even though there were undoubtedly people in his day who were alcoholics (see Matthew 11:19). Paul says that only a demon would compel Bible teachers to forbid things that God made good (see 1 Timothy 4:1-5) and that drinking alcohol can be done in a way that glorifies God. Can you think of a situation where abstaining from drinking would hinder your witness?

3.    MODERATIONISTS: teach that drinking is not a sin and that each person must let Christian conscience guide them without judging others. The position is both reasonable and biblical. Wine itself is neutral and can be used in both good and bad ways (see 1 Samuel 1:14, 24; 25:18, 37; Joel 1:9, 10). When used in the right and redeemed way, alcohol could be viewed as a gift from God, especially when feasting (see Psalm 104:14-15; Ecclesiastes 9:7; 10:19). Here are a few examples of when alcohol has been used by God’s people: celebration (Gen. 14:17-20), the Lord’s Supper (Matt. 26:29; Mark 14:25; Luke 22:18), medicinal purposes (Proverbs 31:6; 1 Timothy 5:23), worship (Exod. 29:40; Num. 28:14; Matt. 26:27; 1 Cor. 11:25-26), thanksgiving to God (Proverbs 3:9-10), and happiness (Deut. 14:26). Can you think of a situation where drinking alcohol could cause a weaker brother to sin or fall?

We must consider our context and responsibility. It is always permissible, but is it always wise?

Should I Ever Abstain from Communion?

"Let a person examine himself, then, and so eat of the bread and drink of the cup." 

-1 Corinthains 11:28

The thought comes from a feeling that one should not partake of the Lord’s Supper, because of a sense of not properly preparing at that given time. Feelings that it is wrong to take the Lord’s Supper if one is struggling with sin. A common misunderstanding of 1 Corinthians 11:28 lies at the center of these feelings.

The warning in verse 11 cautions against partaking the Lord’s Supper in an unworthy manner, referring to the unrepentant self-centeredness of the Corinthians. The Corinthians were ignoring other members of the body. The same warning does not apply to those who are struggling with sin but are looking to the cross in repentance, hating their sin and yearning to be pleasing to God. When the understand of the people is that you must wait until you have been “good enough” or have gotten yourself into a moment of being “good enough,” we have turned this incredible reminder of grace into and ogre of legalism. No one is worthy. This is the point! Melancthon says it this way:

“Some will not venture to profess Christ until they can rather profess themselves. They wait for worthiness to come to the Lord’s table, not considering that it is unworthiness which they profess, along with Christ’s worthiness- their sins, along with His name for the remission of sins.”

The Lord's Supper reminds us again that Christ died for sinners like us. The requirement is that we come in faith and repentance. Too often, having stripped the Supper of any positive meaning, we are left only with the threat of divine judgment if we do it incorrectly. It is no wonder in such cases that many do not want to have Communion more frequently. They believe it won’t do anything for them if they take it correctly, and what’s worse, they suffer if they do it incorrectly. Judgment is real, but so is the truth of grace for the repentant.
If we have struggled this week and sinned (and we all have), that is all the more reason we need the Lord’s Supper. We need a tangible reminder that Christ has made provision for our sin. The only pre-condition for the believer to remain repentant. To refuse Communion is symbolical to reject the work of Christ. Therefore, the only time one should keep themselves from the Table is if he/she refuses to repent. Then, that person should realize he/she declares a refusal to submit to Christ and showing himself/herself as an unbeliever.
    Think of it this way. The Scriptures are not barring any who have ever danced with the Devil. We all have. You simply cannot come to the table still holding the Devil’s hand. As long as you repentant, come to the King’s table! Be reminded of the cost of your sin, hate it afresh, and be reminded that your Savior has paid the debt.

God’s Provision for Our Church Family

 "And my God will supply every need of yours according to his riches in glory in Christ Jesus."
-Philippians 4:19

Last summer when Peggy Guffey passed away, it was a bittersweet moment for our church membership. She and her husband contributed significantly to the work of Christ and the church during their life and after they passed. Unexpectedly, the Guffey’s faithfully left Grace Baptist a significate gift from their estate. Many ideas had floated around on what to do with the cash gift. But them something unexpected happened over the weekend. Scott Heaton brought to the attention of church leaders that the adjoining property next door to the church became available as a for sale by owner. The property had not been for sale for 60 years.

Rounding up several leaders of our church, we checked into the property. After walking the property, all our leaders were in agreement this is a once in a generation opportunity. Normally I don’t like to lead fast as a pastor, but this was different. The owners had already had at least two cash offers to split the property up but were gracious enough to wait on our church to walk through the process.

So we worked with them on the best price contingent upon a congregational vote. The price was agreed to, and the Guffey Estate provided the means to pay cash for the property. Many of us had different ideas on what to do with the money, but now it seems clear that God had better plans than we did. How amazing is our God! In January, we began discussing the need to make room for people in our hearts and on our campus. Now God had provided an opportunity and the means those prayer requests. We not only had a chance to purchase the property, but the cash in had to pay for it. God was so pleased to provide this that he also provided the funds to make it all happen.

The Guffey family will now be able to bless countless people they have never met through their faithfulness in giving. What will your legacy in the area or stewardship be? Have you considered where you will give your estate when the time comes? We cannot take it with us after all, just manage it in the meantime. Would you consider giving a last gift to your local church for the continuation of Kingdom work?

The home and property had been shown several times before we could get to it. The property was bigger than we initially estimated. Having a livable home, swimming pool, and two garages, the property aids the church now and in the future. The home could be used as the church office, freeing up needed Sunday school space in the education wing and provide a much-needed conference room for staff, deacon, and committee meetings.

It is so exciting to see God working and moving in our church! I am also excited to announce the church affirmed to purchase the property next door by a 99% vote! It is such a joy and pleasure to pastor a church that unified for the Glory of God! God continues to be so good and faithful to us! We hope to close in the next 30 days.